Pew! Pew!

I'm not sharing this on social media or pushing it out for the fam who subscribed to my blog (might change my mind). It's more for those who are curious and find it. I'm not sure if that makes this an "Easter Egg," but that's what it feels like. Here's to the mundane about me, I guess.

I made the mistake of not writing my other blog post when I was hyper focused on it. It's a more intense and in-depth one, and I'll get it written hopefully soon. But I wanted to write and post something, so here we are. It's a simple one. It's about a renewed hobby. Me and guns. Pew! Pew!

When I was nineteen, I met a guy who was summed up perfectly by one of my friends at the time as, "a depressed, military gun-nut." He'd joined the army at 17 with his parents' consent. A few years later he was out (he told different stories about why to different people, so who knows if it was an honorable discharge, schizophrenia, or any of the other reasons he gave). But he had several guns, including an AR-15. He took me to the range several times—something I'd always been interested in. It was fun. Whatever I had with him imploded spectacularly, which is a story I'm definitely not sharing here. Sorry. Ask me sometime if you're curious. It was the beginning of the Trainwreck Express Years. Choo Choo, I guess.

While the relationship ended, at least my interest in guns didn't. I got my concealed carry when I turned 21 and bought a few guns for the next few years before I met Jack. I had a little .22 rifle, at least one handgun, and a revolver. I also had this great little keypad safe I kept the handguns in. But it's been so long, I don't remember the calibers or brands of any of them. I didn't shoot as often as I'd hoped, but I still would take them out and go shooting with friends at Utah State up in Logan. I think I did skeet shooting for a church activity? It's been so long and forgotten that I barely remember it, other than I liked it.

But when I got married and had my daughter, I think my maternal hormones went into overdrive, and even having my guns locked safely away made me deeply uneasy. It didn't help matters that when Jack and I were engaged, I had an experience with the revolver that left me deeply uneasy and has stuck with me ever since (I don't want to go into it, but it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it).

My concealed carry instructor did a fantastic job instilling a healthy fear of what can go wrong with several equally horrifying and depressing real stories. Those stories of accidental shootings and lawsuits lived in my head rent free like obnoxious neighbors that kept getting louder and louder. So when we moved, I had Jack sell them all and throughout the years I felt very torn on how I felt about guns in general.

But I couldn't sit on the fence forever, and more recently I decided I wanted to get back into them, but with a lot more education and intent this time. At 21, I lacked a lot of both.

So I asked Jack if he wanted to take a Handgun 101 class with me. I signed us both up and it was a fantastic refresher, and although I felt nervous every time I pulled the trigger, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Jack did too, but he wants to shoot rifles more, so for Father's Day I got him a Rifles 101 class. Since then, I've gone a few times to the range by myself. I'm now making it a goal to go at least twice a month. I like the sport of it and seeing visible improvements each time. I think it's a lot of fun! I also noticed when I went two weeks ago that I'm not nervous anymore. I feel much more comfortable and I'm able to focus better as I become more familiar with handling different pistols.

It's been forcing me to work through some of my anxieties around guns, which is always a good thing. Healthy caution is good, but I think mine tips a little too much to one side, so education and experience are helping balance that. It's odd having two polarizing emotions going on at once. I don't like it, so I'm actively trying to work through it towards a more rational mindset. It's working faster than I anticipated. So, yay!

It's why when I was in Zion, shooting up there was one of my top favorite things. I wasn't worried—I just had fun. I wish there were Skeet shooting places closer to me, because I could see myself really enjoying that, but unfortunately the closest places is probably Conroe.

What I'm really looking forward to is Wednesday nights. Women can can get free rentals, discounted fees, and other perks. I'm not turning that down.

I'm hoping to buy one or two in the next few months, and possibly sign up for a membership. But I want to make sure I know what I'm doing before buying anything. I'm forcing myself to have some patience.

I like to post about what is going on in my little fishbowl with Facebook and Instagram stories. However, Facebook does not like my posts. I've noticed recently that it's been massively restricting my posts and stories when I do, so I'm going to hold off on doing that so much on there and save it for here. I'll keep a running blog post with dates, what I shot, and pics of how I did. That way, I can still share my experiences, but with less frustration.