Making Big Decisions

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had recently was that a ten year gap from pursuing a career or attending school was not ten years of stagnation. 

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The best career advice I ever heard was from a therapist on YouTube: In a nutshell, the advice was don't pick a career based on your passions, but one suited to your strengths. I'm not sure if that was the point she intended, but it was the one I walked away with. (She talks about it in terms of a "success formula": compatible interest + perseverance/growth mindset + experimentation = successful outcome.)

She went on to say that you obviously shouldn’t pick something you hate, but just because you’re passionate about something doesn’t mean you’ll be good at it. But more often than not, things that you’re good at tend to bring satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. It's about picking something that gives you an intrinsic reward rather than an extrinsic reward (internal vs. external).

I thought a lot about that after I heard it, and what exactly that meant for me. I know several months ago I wrote about not knowing for sure what I wanted to do. I was (and still am) volunteering at a wildlife rehab nonprofit in Houston. I love animals and always have. When I was ten, I wanted to be a veterinarian. As I got older and learned more about that field, I decided I was very much against going down that path (they have an incredibly high suicide rate, and the training they go through sounds like part of my soul would break in the process).

So for the last few months I’ve played with the idea of different wildlife careers, as well as what they paid. In the end, I realized a few things: it paid shit, it was highly competitive, and the amount of jobs were far and few between. What sealed the deal was when I went in a few weeks ago with a bat I’d helped transport. I walked in, and as I turned the bat over, I realized everyone there (and the ones I’d seen every time I’d walked in) fell into one of two categories: Either they were college-age kids or older women. The only people who didn’t seem to fit that description were the veterinarians, and having worked in nonprofits before, and married to someone who works for one (that luckily does pay well, but I know many others do not), I knew that the grant money they received likely went largely to their salary–and it probably wasn’t competitive either.

I got my degree in print journalism. The pay is also dismal, and the range of jobs came down to about two: doing what my degree was meant for or transitioning to public relations. It was also an incredibly competitive industry. I had already learned a very hard lesson by getting a degree in something with so few opportunities. I wasn’t doing that again.

But I still didn’t know what else to do. So I asked ChatGPT. 

Chat knows me pretty well, though not perfectly. I’ve asked it before for career suggestions, but I wasn't particularly impressed the first time. That had been months ago. After the bat transport, it listed several careers again, with the top result being a repeat from before. 

It suggested forensic psychology based on the strengths it had noticed about me. I like data, and patterns, and I have a strong attention to detail. Based on how much I’d already asked it questions about psychology in general, it thought psychology would be a good fit. 

It wouldn’t be the first time I considered pursuing a career in it either. My senior year in high school, my all-time favorite class was an intro to psychology. I was completely fascinated. And when I went to college, I felt tempted many, many times to pursue that path, except I couldn't figure out a way to be a stay at home mom at the same time as pursuing a career in it (it had been pushed religiously, culturally, and in my family that any other choice I made was unacceptable. That is a completely different discussion though). So I picked journalism because it seemed like a very flexible option. It turned out to neither be the best choice or the most flexible.

Long story short, I did AmeriCorps for two years after Utah State. One year I volunteered at a nonprofit that advocated for those in addiction recovery, and the second year I worked at a homeless clinic in Salt Lake City. At the clinic, I reported to and assisted the Behavior Health Specialist. My first day there he had me talk with one of his patients with schizophrenia. Literally every day I worked with patients like him or others with severe mental health issues or heavy substance addictions. It was eye-opening, but also one of my all-time favorite jobs. I have some pretty wild stories from that year, I can tell you that much. 

Since graduating and having kids, I’ve spent I don’t even know how many hours watching therapists break down movies and tv shows, those with severe mental health issues talk about their lives, or listened to podcasts covering multiple topics within the field of psychology. I binge them every time. I like personality tests, and hearing the latest studies. I’ve always been deeply drawn to it.

But forensic psychology can also be very competitive and I worried about another pigeon-hole career path. So I researched what a masters or doctorate’s degree would offer as far options work wise, and it turns out there is a lot. 

One of my friends gave some good advice too: look at job listings and see what the demand is.

Again… there’s a lot, especially for clinical psychologists. So I looked up the pay, worried I’d see some dismal amount attached to it. Turns out, that’s not true, with the average salary being around 75k. The more education, the easier it is to move between states as well as more open doors to opportunities. 

If I worked for HR, marketing, or a different corporate setting the pay could potentially be higher, although I don’t think that’s the route I’d probably go. I don’t know if I want to do therapy, but it’s not out of the question, especially if the demand is so high and the pay is worth it. I’m largely interested in trauma and mental disorders, but I could always specialize in a type of client and go that route too. The key is, there are a lot of options, and a lot of those options happen to play to my own personal strengths, and luckily for me, it's also been one of my quieter hobbies I’ve had consistently over the years.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what to say to someone if I applied for a job, or for a master’s degree, and tried to explain what I’ve done since I’ve graduated with my bachelor’s. But I’ve come to realize something about that time not working. I know myself significantly better. I have more confidence, more experience in general, learning how to handle other people, setting boundaries, becoming more patient, and a far better understanding of not just my weaknesses but my strengths as well. I honestly believe had I gotten a bachelor’s in psychology the first time around, it would have been the wrong choice then too. It would have been the wrong time and wrong place in my life. But it doesn’t feel that way now. A ten year gap from pursuing a career or attending school was not ten years of stagnation.

And the best part being that it feels right. I’m excited about it. I don’t think I’ll have to get a second bachelor’s. I think I might be able to go straight for a masters, and possibly more depending on which career path I want to go down. But I’m excited because for a long time I felt very adrift, and it’s nice to find an answer.

I talked to one university counselor a couple weeks ago, particularly my interest in how trauma impacts survivors, and mental health disorders. Their doctorate program is insanely competitive, and maybe one day that might be something I will consider. But she did point out a lot of what I want to do I can achieve with a master's degree and then maybe pursuing licensing, depending on if it's required or not. She suggested I attend a local community college (because it's cheaper), simply to get used to going to school again and improve my application in general (though she told me to apply anyway, believing I'd get in).

I'm feeling hopeful, and no longer frustrated like I had been. I'm hoping I can volunteer with somewhere local to show how serious I am. If I can get some volunteering under my belt, and focus on a class or two, then maybe I can apply for the spring for the masters program. It’s slow going, but that’s probably for the best. At least I know what the first steps are, even if it’s a long road.